Should I Let My Daughter Diet? 9 Reasons Why This Dietitian Says No!
Has your daughter been complaining about her body? Or maybe you’ve heard her say her friends are dieting, and she wants to try it too. Or perhaps you’re the one who’s wondering whether it’s time for you to talk to her about her weight? Are you wondering if losing a few pounds could make her healthier, boost her body image, and help her feel happier?
As a pediatric dietitian, I’ve worked with hundreds of families worried about their daughter’s weight or her eating. Diet culture puts immense pressure on women to keep a slim, trim, lean body—and girls start feeling it as early as six!
I can tell you without reservation that dieting to drop pounds is never a good idea. In my practice (and my home!), I have what I call a zero-tolerance policy for dieting. That holds regardless of the child’s size, weight, or health! In other words, there’s rarely (if ever) a situation where a weight-loss diet is a good idea for a child, tween, or teen.
Wondering why? I’ve pulled together a list of nine super-compelling reasons to avoid diets. I’ve also included answers to some of your most common questions about weight loss and young girls, and, finally give talking tips to help you and her have a positive conversation about the issue of weight.
In the meantime, here are nine research-backed reasons I (and many other pediatric dietitians) recommend parents encourage kids and parents to drop a weight-loss agenda.
9 Super-Compelling Reasons Your Daughter Doesn’t Need a Diet
If you’re curious about why so many pediatric dietitians warn parents to avoid diets and dieting for kids, here are some facts to consider. You can find a list of references below:
# 1
One in four people who start a diet develops an eating disorder. And I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that the 75 percent of dieters who are lucky enough to escape the fate of developing a serious ED still end up with some disordered and dysfunctional behaviors around food.
# 2
Focusing on weight loss promotes unhealthy and disordered eating habits such as skipping meals, choosing foods based on calories instead of specific nutrients or enjoyment, and pursuing extreme and excessive exercise , which often cannot be sustained over the long term and can feel like punishment as opposed to joyful and empowering.
Girls who skip meals to lose weight are 17 times more likely to develop an eating disorder! This is why I warn parents to watch out for this as an eating disorder red flag.
# 3
When tell our daughter we’ll help her lose weight, we reinforce the idea that we think she’s unacceptable as she is.
We also waste precious time that we could otherwise be using to help boost self-esteem by teaching her about concepts such as body image or resilience. Or how to do positive body affirmations, which are proven to give girls a mental health boost!
# 4
Food restriction—either limiting amounts of foods or limiting access to desirable foods, which a common tactic used to help with weight loss, has negative impacts on eating such as binging, sneaking food, and eating in the absence of hunger.
# 5
Children, particularly younger children, have high nutrient needs for growth and proper development; limiting and restricting food has the potential to cause a decrease in a child’s intake of vital nutrients which can negatively impact their growth and development.
# 6
Recommending weight loss triggers and even reinforces weight stigma, which is associated with increased weight gain, which (again) can worsen the very problem it is intending to treat. Weight stigma has contributes to behaviors such as avoiding taking kids to doctors visits (and avoiding wanting to go on the part of the child), decreases in physical activity (due to feeling self-conscious about body shape and size), binge eating, and a lower quality of life particularly in kids.
# 7
Focusing on weight loss and a number on the scale tends to undermine a child’s ability to make positive changes—such as being physically active, eating in a way that is satisfying and enjoyable, eating at regular intervals, etc—that are proven to improve markers of health such blood sugar, cholesterol, blood pressure, and self-esteem.
For example, kids who are trying to lose weight often use extreme measures such as skipping meals or cutting out entire nutrients (such as carbs), which can be harder on blood sugar than eating regularly.
# 8
Dieting—at its best—is an ineffective solution for weight loss. Research shows that 95 to 98 percent of weight-loss diets fail to result in actual loss. And of the small percentage who are successful, that loss is rarely maintained over the long term.
# 9
Many of my clients, for example, have lingering doubts and conflicts about their eating choices and behaviors even when they’re no longer on a diet, which steals joy and creates stress with each and every meal and snack.
Ya, but…. isn’t being overweight bad for you?
Surprise! Higher BMIs, larger bodies, and stigmatizing body classifications such as “obese” and “overweight” are not the health disasters we are trained to think they are.
A growing number of health experts and research findings are revealing the fact that body weight is not a direct cause of poor health. Many people are higher BMIs have excellent biomarkers of health and many people at lower BMIs have poor physical and emotional health.
Thus, despite what diet culture has trained us to believe, simply identifying a high BMI and deciding we do need to “fix” it is not an effective way to help ourselves or our kids.
💡 Want to know more about the invisible force shaping you and your daughter’s feelings about her body and weight? Check out, “What is Diet Culture? Life-Changing Insights Every Mom Needs Her Daughter to Know.”
What Can I Do If I’m Worried About My Daughter’s Weight?
What we can and do need to support our child is to focus on are the elements of our life that are in our control and are proven to improve our health.
These are our day-to-day habits including how much we move, how we manage stress, whether we’re getting enough sleep, whether we are eating a variety of foods in balanced and nourishing ways, the quality of our relationships, and more.
When parents ask me to help them manage their child’s weight, I recommend we put the number on the scale to the side and that we avoid dieting and weight loss completely.
My recommendation stands for metabolically healthy kids (and parents) as well as those who come to me with bloodwork and risk factors linked with excess body weight such as dyslipidemia and diabetes.
Instead of dieting and weight loss, we focus on the positive habits that support overall physical health and emotional well-being including;
- Having more family meals
- Improving food parenting skills by using positive language around foods and eating
- Providing structure to meals and snacks (say by simply having regular times to eat, to start — or you can use a strategy such as Satter’s Division of Responsibility in Feeding (sDOR))
- Getting adequate sleep (yup! more sleep doesn’t just improve mood, behavior, and energy levels, it’s been found to improve appetite regulation, too!)
- Reducing screen time
- Increasing physical activity in a fun and sustainable way
- Avoiding sugary drinks; and
- Avoiding conversations about weight
Should I Limit How Much My Daughter Eats?
Nope! Please don’t, in fact. Research shows that limiting and restricting how much our child eats—and conversely, pressuring them to eat more—has negative impacts on their eating. It can lead to disordered eating, overeating, eating out of turn with our actual hunger, lowered self-esteem, and bad feelings about our body.
For parents who have personally tried to lose weight themselves, the news that we don’t need to start limiting, restricting, denying, rationing, measuring, weighing, or counting the food our child eats often comes as a huge relief.
Knowing that micromanaging portions and eating is futile, even harmful, and that as parents we don’t need to do it is exciting—sometimes life-changing—news! Feeling like you need to be a food cop in order to raise a healthy eater is a role I think that NO MOM wants to take on. Most of us are just doing it because we don’t realize that there’s a better, more positive and more effective way to handle meals and eating.
For many women, my recommendation to avoid putting their child on a diet sounds like common sense.
If you’re curious about the tools and strategies that I use with clients to help them raise kids without dieting, check out my book Diet-Proof Your Daughter. It’s a fast and inexpensive way to learn my best insights into the steps you can take to get your family in a happier, less stressed, and more peaceful place with food and weight.
Your Daughter Wants to Start a Diet? Here are 5 Smart Things to Say
Even though dozens of tweens, teens, and young adults come into my office and complain about their weight each week, I still have trouble knowing exactly what to say. Each on has their own reasons for wanting to start a diet and sometimes those reasons can be compelling.
Still, knowing how harmful and fruitless diets are I can’t give in. Instead I mostly empathize so they know they are heard and that the pressure they feel is real. Then I redirect them to other ways to feel good about themselves as well as brainstorm ideas to engage in better self-care with food and activity.
Next time your daughter comes to you saying she wants to start a diet, here are a few ideas for how to respond that don’t reinforce diet culture or make her feel like, yes, there’s a problem with her body that needs fixing.
1. “I’ve felt bad about my weight at different times too. Tell me more about what’s bothering you.”
- The idea is to validate her feelings without reinforcing the idea of a diet as a solution. It also encourages her to explore what’s come up for her recently—is it recent weight gain, puberty, a comment from a friend or coach, or a family member?
- For ideas on how to push back against aunts, in-laws, and others who comment on your daughter’s weight or eating, check out my article “Family Still Stuck in Diet Culture? Here’s How to Deal.”
2. “It’s normal for your body to be changing a lot at your age, and I know that can feel weird. I don’t think making you smaller will make you a better person. A diet might make you feel worse. Can you think of any other ways to feel good?”
- This is empathetic while also encouraging her to focus on all her body can do instead of what it looks like.
- For more ideas on how to help your daughter feel good about who she IS instead of how much she weight, check out “53 Non-Body Compliments Your Daughter Will Love Hearing.”
3. “Hey, bodies come in all shapes and sizes. I know there’s a lot of pressure to fit a certain look or weight but you’re so much more than that! And those images we see aren’t real or realstic for 95% of people!”
- Instead of telling her she looks great (which might make her recoil instead of feel great), this comment helps call out unrealistic beauty standards. It’s always important to acknowledge her feelings so she knows she’s been heard as opposed to dismissing them by insisting she’s beautiful.
4. “Dieting often leads to more stress around food and can make eating healthy even harder. How about we focus on what you can add into your eating to help your energy, mood, and to feel happier with eating instead of trying to cut things out?”
- This gently educates her on the risks of dieting while keeping the conversation open and supportive. It also reframes thoughts about healthy eating, encouraging her to focus on something positive instead of restrictive.
- For more ideas about how to talk about foods and health, I’ve put together a Guide to Healthy Eating just for moms raising girls.
5. “If you’re feeling down about your body, I want to help you find ways to feel better that don’t involve trying to change your body or your looks.”
- This reinforces self-worth and encourages self-compassion rather than seeking external validation through weight loss or caving to the harmful pressures of diet culture.
