Eating Disorder Red Flags a Pediatric Dietitian Wants Moms, Coaches, and Teachers to Watch Out For

Eating Disorder Red Flags: 8 Signs a Dietitian Wants Moms, Coaches, and Teachers to Watch For

ByAmelia Sherry, MPH, RD

Has your daughter making excuses about why she needs to skip family meals? Or has she been hypercritical of her body or refusing to eat foods she used to live because they aren’t ‘healthy’ enough?

If you’re wondering whether her eating (or not eating!) is something to worry about, then you’re in the right place. 

As a dietitian, I’ll explain exactly which eating disorder red flags to be on the lookout for—and which changes are just normal preteen and teen behavior. 

I can also help you avoid making one of the biggest mistakes I see many well-meaning parents, teachers, and coaches make, which is praising diet or exercise changes because on the surface they seem healthy.

Remember, early detection is key when it comes to preventing a full-blown eating disorder so it’s important to know the signs!  

Disclaimer: This article is not a substitute for professional medical advice.

This article is educational and meant to give you insight into warning signs of disordered behaviors around food. No one behavior signals an eating disorder on its own; however, seeing multiple eating disorder red flags in one child can be a sign that it’s time to consult a licensed health professional.  

🚩 Eating Disorder Red Flag #1: Cutting Out Favorite Foods

As moms, we all want our daughters to make healthy choices. So when she suddenly starts saying no to foods she’s loved for years—such as pizza on Friday nights, mac and cheese for lunch, or her favorite dessert after dinner—it may stir conflicting emotions. 

On the one hand, you may be proud that her tastebuds are maturing or that perhaps she’s realizing that she could use a few more fruits and vegetables or a little less sugar in her diet.

On the other hand, you might wonder whether it’s something else, such as worry about her body or weight. 

While changes in food preferences are normal as kids age, cutting out favorite foods can also be an eating disorder red flag that deserves your attention.

But Isn’t Cutting Out Foods Like Pizza Considered Healthy? 

No, not always! 

First of all, many eating disorders, including anorexia nervosa and orthorexia, start with small, seemingly innocent food rules that gradually become more rigid and harmful over time.

When a patient or client tells me they’ve decided to cut out things like pizza, sugar, or gluten without a clear and significant reason like an allergy or intolerance, I always get concerned.

If you’ve ever been on a diet or had to avoid certain foods because of an allergy or food-related disease like diabetes, you know that it can be stressful.

Cutting out or restricting foods without a medical reason (or significant benefit) may mean a person is developing a fear of those foods, which can significantly ramp up negative emotions like anxiety. It can also trigger guilt or shame if we change our mind and decide to start eating the food–all unnecessarily! 

All too often, I’ve seen girls paralyzed when it comes to making a simple decision about whether or not to eat some bread, a scoop of ice cream, or even a protein bar. 

Many times they’re so overwhelmed by guilt and fear of foods making them ‘fat’ or unhealthy that it just feels easier for them to skip eating altogether.

Cutting Foods Can Mean Less Nutrients!

If your daughter cuts out certain foods from her diet, she’s also cutting herself off from what otherwise might be a good source of vitamins and minerals at a time when she needs them most! 

Cutting out carbohydrates and grains, for example, means she’d be cutting herself off from good sources of iron, thiamine, riboflavin, folate, and niacin. This can impact brain function, energy levels, and even mood. 

Cutting out carbs or grains might also lower her intake of fiber, which can lead to constipation, blood sugar imbalance or increased feelings of hunger. 

Carbs and grains are also inexpensive and easy to find. Rigidly cutting them out of the diet can make it a lot harder to eat in certain situations. This can, again, make it tough to grab lunch from the cafeteria or enjoy a snack with friends.  

How Do I Tell If Cutting Out Food is Normal or an Eating Disorder Red Flag?

If you’re worried about your daughter’s new food rule or rules, there are a few clues that’ll help you know whether it’s a problem or not. 

First, you can gently ask her why she’s decided to avoid a certain food. If it’s a way to control her weight, it’s a great opportunity to talk to her about how she’s feeling about her body. 

Dieting is a leading risk factor for eating disorders, so it’s important to discourage her from cutting out foods to reach a specific number on a scale.

Second, take notice of how rigid she is with her new food rule. Rigidly restricting certain foods or groups—say, I’m only going to snack on almonds or I won’t eat white bread because it’s too low in fiber—may seem healthy but can be quite harmful depending on how flexible a person is their food rule or how much stress the restriction causes. 

For example, if she’s cut out pizza, is she still able to eat it once in a while? Or does she panic or get deeply stressed by the thought of walking into an Italian restaurant?

If she’s decided to become a vegan, is she willing to add in other foods to get the iron, protein and B12 she needs? Or is adding in foods such as lentils and quinoa in a challenge?

As a dietitian, when I hear about food restrictions I’m always assessing the risk vs benefit. Is there a benefit to cutting out a food group if it puts you at risk for a nutritional deficiency or triggers a mental health issue such as anxiety? In many cases, the answer is probably not!

4 Warning Signs to Watch For

Here are some signs that your daughter’s food avoidance might be part of a larger issue, including if she’s been:

3 Smart Things to Say If She’s Restricting

If you notice your daughter cutting out her favorite foods, start a gentle, non-judgmental conversation. 

Ask open-ended questions, which will help her feel safe sharing her thoughts, motives, or concerns. Here’s a few ideas:

“I’ve noticed you’re not eating [specific food] anymore. Can you tell me what made you decide to cut it out?”

This invites her to share her thoughts without pressure.

“It seems like you’re being really careful about what you eat lately. I just want to check in—are you feeling worried about certain foods?”

This helps her reflect on her feelings around food in a non-judgmental way.

“Food should be enjoyable and nourishing. If certain foods are making you feel stressed, I’d love to talk about it and figure out what’s going on.”

This reassures her that she doesn’t have to navigate her feelings about food alone.

Do your best to avoid assuming anything and be open-minded. This can make the conversation feel less tense and pressured. 

If she tells you she’s cutting out foods because she’s dieting to lose weight, you can help her build up her self-esteem with body image books and by helping her strengthen her body image resilience. 

🚩 Eating Disorder Red Flag #2: Avoiding Family Meals or Always Wanting to Eat Alone

While wanting some independence with eating is normal, consistently skipping meals or isolating during meals is one of the eating disorder red flags parents should pay attention to.

Teens who develop eating disorders often find ways to hide their eating habits.

Avoiding family meals or eating alone may indicate she’s got some eating behaviors she’s rather you not know about, say:

  • Restricting – She may know that you’d consider cutting out foods or dieting a cause of concern and avoid eating with you to hide it
  • Binge eating – If she’s binged earlier in the day or even right before a meal, she may not want to face food again at the table
  • Purging behaviors – If she’s vomiting or purging through exercise, she might want to eat in secret so you don’t notice her need to run to the bathroom right after eating

While occasional meal avoidance can be harmless, consistently withdrawing from family meals is worth a closer look. 

Is Wanting to Eat Alone Always an Eating Disorder Warning Sign?

Nope, not necessarily! But I always get curious when a teen tells me that they prefer to eat in their room.

Why? Because it can often be a sign that eating in front of others feels stressful or that they feel they are being judged. 

If your daughter frequently dodges family meals, avoid jumping to conclusions.

Instead, focus on the benefit of meals as a time for connection and take steps to make time at the table positive and inviting. Here are a few ideas to help: 

  • Avoid commenting on foods or amounts eaten or not eaten (unless your child is in recovery)
  • Create a consistent meal routine so your daughter can rely on this time together
  • Include games or lighthearted questions with enjoyable low-stress conversation starters
  • Gently observe patterns to see if you can glean any insight

What to Say to Your Daughter If She’s Avoiding Meals Together

Like always, approach the conversation with curiosity, not criticism.

You can try saying, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been joining us for dinner lately. Is everything okay?”

This will let her know you value her and don’t take her absence lightly

“I love when we eat together. What’s been making it harder for you to join us?“

This can give her an opportunity to feel comfortable opening up

Perhaps she is just not hungry during meals, or meals are stressful for an unrelated reason—say, another person at the table is critical or struggling with eating or dieting. 

Emphasize that you love spending this time together and lessen pressure by setting a time limit to the meal—say, “Let’s sit at the table together for 15 minutes or from 7 to 7:15 pm.  

Be sure that she doesn’t feel that you’re trying to monitor her food. This can be a gentler way to get them back in the habit of coming to the table to eat. 

What if We Don’t Have Time to Eat Together?

If you have concerns about your daughter’s eating, I’d say that making a stress-free time to eat together is one of the very best things you could do! 

Family meals have incredible benefits for girls! Eating together with parents is proven to help girls with:

  • Peer relationships such as with friends, teammates, and classmates
  • Better handle stress
  • Improve academically
  • Eat more vitamins and minerals (and the nutrition benefits are REGARDLESS of what you put on the table!)
  • Boost protection against eating disorders 

Sound too overwhelming? Start by increasing the number of times you eat together as a family by one per week. It can make a big difference!

 if you’re eating zero times together, start with one dinner per week. If you’re not home in time for dinner because of work, start scheduling a time to sit at the table and have a snack together each night. Or, get up earlier and have breakfast together. 

If you need logistical support (like what to make or how to create a schedule), contact me or another family dietitian.

🚩 Eating Disorder Red Flag #3: Being Hypercritical of Her Body

It’s common for teens to feel insecure about their bodies, but when self-criticism becomes frequent and intense, it could be a warning sign of an eating disorder. 

If your daughter constantly criticizes her appearance, it’s important to pay attention. Negative body image often fuels disordered eating behaviors, making being highly and frequently critical of their body something adults need to pay attention to.

Almost all of the eating disorder patients I’ve worked with over the years tell me that their disordered eating began because they wanted “to feel more confident” about their bodies. 

Research backs this idea and shows that body dissatisfaction is a leading trigger for disordered eating. Girls struggling with body image often develop unhealthy food and exercise habits such as restrictive eating, binge eating, outgunning, or excessive exercise in an attempt to fix what they see as flaws. 

What’s tough about this is that many of the negative comments we hear our daughters say are very familiar–so much so, that they might not register as a red flag. 

For example, hearing her say, “I need to workout more” or “I really shouldn’t eat dessert” may sound innocent or like something we might even say ourselves.  

Negative comments about our body are very commonplace in our culture. But that doesn’t mean they’re harmless! 

When these thoughts become frequent, they can damage self-esteem and increase the risk of disordered eating behaviors.

Some common critical comments you can prick your ears for include:

  • “I hate my stomach. It’s so big.”
  • “My thighs are disgusting.”
  • “I wish I looked like her. I need to lose weight.”
  • “I can’t wear that. It makes me look fat.”

How to Support a Daughter Who Hates Her Body

Instead of dismissing her concerns, acknowledge them and gently guide her toward a more compassionate view of her body. Ways to help include:

  • Modeling body kindness by speaking positively about your own body
  • Encouraging media awareness by discussing unrealistic beauty standards
  • Reinforcing her strengths with these non-appearance-based compliments, such as her creativity, kindness, or intelligence 

What to Say to Your Daughter When She Criticizes Her Body or Weight

Start a conversation with curiosity, not correction. You can try saying,

“I hear you saying you don’t like your body. That must feel really hard. Can we talk about it?”

This lets her know that the topic isn’t taboo and you’re open to hearing her feelings.

“Your body is strong and does so much for you. What’s something you appreciate about it?” 

This reframes her focus on the positives of her body, as well as helps her feel gratitude

“I remember feeling that when I was your age too.” 

This shows empathy, normalizes feelings, and lets her know she’s not alone.

Still tongue-tied when you hear her put down her own body? You can get a step-by-step of what to say in this article where I share a story about myself and my own daughter.

Remember, your daughter is likely to put down her own body at some point regardless of her weight or relationship with food. Unfortunately, that’s the culture that we are living in. 

By creating a safe space to talk about these things, you help her build a healthier relationship with her body.

Important! Just as I shared at the start of this article, a negative comment about her body in and of itself isn’t a sign of an eating disorder.  I just want parents to know that coupled with other red flags such as restricting, excessive exercise, or a sudden weight change, it’s something to take note of!  

🚩 Eating Disorder Red Flag #4: Frequent Checks and Rechecks in the Mirror

While looking in the mirror a lot may seem normal for a teen, when done often it can be a sign of a deeper problem. 

In fact, frequent body checking—which includes looking in the mirror, looking at body parts from different angles, or weighing yourself over and over—is a symptom that we monitor eating disorder treatment. 

Why is Frequent Body Checking Harmful? 

If your daughter’s feeling insecure, constantly looking in the mirror can fuel and reinforce negative feelings and increase anxiety about weight and shape.

If you notice your daughter is constantly checking her body, changing outfits, or readjusting her clothes so much so that she’s often late or even decides to skip events altogether, it may be impacting other areas of her life.  

Body checking is a way your daughter may be seeking reassurance or control over her body as it changes.

Frequent body checking can signal obsessive thoughts about appearance, which can lead to disordered eating habits.

What Does Body Checking Look Like?

Common signs of frequent body checking include:

  • Spending excessive time looking in the mirror or taking photos to analyze appearance
  • Pinching or measuring parts of the body (e.g., waist, arms, thighs)
  • Weighing yourself multiple times a day
  • Constantly adjusting clothing to see how it fits or feels on their body
  • Seeking frequent reassurance by asking, “Do I look fat?” or comparing themselves to others

Again, just to be clear, if you’re daughter’s been looking in the mirror a lot lately it doesn’t mean she has an eating disorder.

It’s only an eating disorder red flag n the context of other warning signs in the article.

And it’s only problematic if you sense that it’s become compulsive and is reinforcing negative or critical beliefs about body size or leading to other disordered behaviors.

What to Say to Your Your Daughter If You Notice She’s Been Looking in the Mirror A lot More Than Usual

Instead of calling out the behavior directly, which could make her more self-conscious, start a conversation with curiosity:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been checking the mirror a lot lately. What’s been on your mind?”


“It seems like you’re feeling uncomfortable with your looks. Want to talk about it?”

3 More Ways to Support Your Daughter When It Comes to Building Up Body Image

If you notice your daughter frequently checking her body, approach the situation carefully. Try:

  • Talking about how bodies naturally change, especially during adolescence
  • Encouraging body-neutral habits, like focusing on what her body can do rather than how it looks
  • Helping her the amount of time she spends judging her appearance by removing mirrors from private space such as her bedroom
  • Monitor social media use and have constructive conversations about the dangers of social media comparisons

🚩 Eating Disorder Red Flag #5: Sudden Weight Changes

As a mom, coach, or even a teacher, you know young girls’ bodies are constantly growing and changing.

However, if you notice a sudden weight change—whether a significant loss or gain—over a short period of time, it’s not something to praise, admonish, or ignore. 

Large weight shifts often indicate unhealthy changes in eating or exercise habits, making this one of the key eating disorder red flags to watch for.

And as you may have already guessed, knowing the best way to deal with it can be tricky.

How Do I Know If a Weight Change is Normal?

This can be tough for the average parent or coach to determine, particularly for girls 14 or younger who are still growing and going through puberty. 

As a professional who is assessing weights and weight changes in kids daily, I will say that weight gain–even significant–can be a perfectly normal part of development, particularly in girls who are in or approaching puberty.

To truly know if a sudden weight gain is normal, you may need the help of a professional such as a pediatric dietitian who will use your daughter’s growth chart and BMI percentile (not her weight) to monitor changes.

In addition to the growth chart and BMI % tile changes, we also monitor changes in eating behaviors to determine if they’re a normal part of physical development or something to be concerned about.  

For teen girls well past puberty, a loss or gain of 5% or more of body weight in one month or 10% or more in six months may be something to look at. 

Here’s how this might look in real numbers:

  • A 100-pound 16 year old losing or gaining 5 pounds in a month or less could signal disordered eating behaviors
  • A 130-pound 16 year old losing or gaining 7 to 14 pounds or more in one to six months
  • 180-pound 16 year old losing or gaining 9 or more pounds in one month or 18 or more pounds over six months 

Changes that are sudden and significant could be a sign of:

  • Restricting food intake to lose weight quickly
  • Binge eating episodes, sometimes followed by secretive purging
  • Excessive exercise as a way to control weight
  • Emotional distress, such as depression or anxiety, affecting eating patterns
  • Laxative overuse or abuse (could also be in the form of teas, or excess caffeine intake)

And, of course, on it’s own a change in weight could be nothing at all. Consider whether other eating disorder red flags, like avoiding meals, being overly critical of her body, or showing anxiety around food, are present before getting worried.

How to Support Your Teen That’s Losing Weight

The number on most important thing you can do: Avoid praising them!

You might inadvertently reinforce any negative behaviors they’re doing such as skipping meals without realizing it! While I wish it wasn’t true, this happens more often than you realize!

I’ve had girls in my office who tell me their eating disorder started when they dropped a few pounds by mistake (say because of bought of the flu or because they joined a soccer team). When people told them how good they looked, they took it as a sign they should eat less or exercise even more.

What to Say to Your Daughter When You Notice a Weight Change

Honestly, if your daughter has gained weight gain I would not draw attention to it directly. Given the world we live in, she likely already feels self-conscious and judged. Instead, figure out what else may have changed in her environment or routine and focus on that.

Did you move, did she quit a sports team, or have a relationship end? She will likely benefit from more emotional support as opposed to more focus on her eating.

If you’ve noticed a significant loss, approach the conversation with care and concern:

“I’ve noticed some changes lately, and I just want to check in. How have you been feeling?”

Use this to focus less on her looks and draw more attention to how she’s feeling energy-wise, and stress-wise. Let her know you’re concerned about her overall well-being.


“I care about your health, and I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

This lets her know weight loss is a health issue and opens the door to a conversation that focuses on her overall well-being, not just her eating or her weight.

3 More Positive Ways to Respond If Your Daughter’s Weight Changes

If you notice a sudden weight change, resist the urge to comment on her weight directly. Instead:

  • Encourage balanced meals and a healthy routine without making food a battleground
  • Plan more family meals, and resist the urge to comment on her eating (just observe)
  • Focus on her overall well-being (is she stressed or anxious, for example, and help her with that) rather than weight-related concerns
  • Talk to an eating disorder expert to get more clarity on the situation – some weight changes may be due to an illness, medication changes, or, again, completely normal for age and developmental state such as puberty 

🚩 Eating Disorder Red Flag #6: Calorie Counting & Other New Food Rituals

If your daughter has been feeling anxious about food, she might use food rituals as a way to feel more comfortable, relaxed and in control at meals. 

Food rituals include things like counting calories, cutting food into tiny pieces, taking excessively long to eat certain foods, or only eating foods in a specific order or at specific times of day, regardless of hunger. 

At first the habit might seem innocent, but they can quickly become rigid. You might notice if your daughter can’t engage in a ritual, say she’s asked to eat a food where she can’t figure out the calorie count, it will be anxiety-inducing. 

If your daughter seems distressed when unable to follow her eating habits, it’s important to check in with her. 

You might say:

While some food preferences or habits are normal, persistent, rule-driven behaviors around eating may signal she’s struggling with something more.

“I notice you always only eat six almonds. How you’d feel about eating mixing in some raisins or chocolate chips?” and then gauge her openness or flexibility with the change. 

Or, “I’m going to make this recipe from scratch tonight. Can’t wait to see if you like it!” and notice if she’s able to enjoy it without concern despite not knowing the exact measurements or ingredients.  

🚩 Eating Disorder Red Flag #7: Hiding Foods, Hoarding Foods, or Eating in Secret

First of all, it’s really common to find food wrappers in your daughter’s room now and again. Despite that fact, when I tell parents this it still leaves them deeply uncomfortable. (Myself included!)

Unfortunately, it’s often because we’re worried about extra sugar or calories or cleanliness. 

As an eating disorder dietitian, I’m more concerned that eating in secret signals our child is experiencing guilt, shame, or judgment around eating those particular foods.

If you notice food wrappers in your daughter’s room or she expresses guilt after eating, it’s important to approach her with compassion and curiosity rather than criticism. 

Here are a few things you might say:

“I noticed some snack wrappers in your room. I just want to check in—are you feeling okay about eating lately?”

This opens the door for conversation without making her feel ashamed.

“You seem really upset after eating. I want you to know that food isn’t something to feel guilty about. Can you tell me what’s on your mind?”

This reassures her that emotions around food are worth talking about.

“It looks like you’ve been eating in private a lot. I just want to understand—does eating with others feel uncomfortable for you?”

This helps her reflect on her behaviors while showing her you care.

The key is to create a safe space where she feels supported and understood, rather than judged or pressured. 

🚩 Eating Disorder Red Flag #8: Always Wanting To Be At The Gym 

The difference between exercising for fun and exercising in an unhealthy way (or over-exercising) often comes down to mindset—joyful movement should feel good, not like a punishment. 

And just like a rule about food, your daughter shouuld be flexible about it. If she’s willing to miss a workout or change up her workout routine without issue that’s great. If you notice it makes her anxious or overwhelmed, that may be a red flag. 

Take into consideration other things that are going on (are there other red flags flying for instance?), and then take a minute to talk to her about it. Here are a few things you might say:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been working out a lot, even when you’re tired or not feeling well. How are you feeling about exercise lately?” This invites her to reflect on her motivations without sounding accusatory.

“I love that you enjoy being active, but I’m worried that it’s starting to feel like something you have to do rather than something you want to do. Do you feel like you get a break when you need one?”

This helps her consider whether exercise feels like a choice or an obligation.

“You seem really upset when you miss a workout. I just want to check in—what goes through your mind when that happens?”

This encourages her to open up about any anxiety or guilt she might be feeling.

Diet culture can be a major trigger for disordered eating. Learn what it is, how it erodes girls’ self-esteem, and how to stop it: “What is Diet Culture? Essential Insights Every Mom Needs to Know“

Noticing a Few Eating Disorder Red Flags And Want Help?

Not to worry! I’ve put together a few resources to help you.

You can reach out via phone to one of several eating disorder helplines by visiting Eating Disorder Hope.

You can take an free eating disorder assessment by visiting the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA).

You can google “eating disorder dietitian” and your city or state to connect with an expert.

You can call your daughter’s pediatrician, or better yet schedule an appointment for her to see an adolescent doctor. Adolescent doctors often have expertise in eating disorders and can help you evaluate the situation.

If you’re struggling to find someone, you can email me [email protected] and I can help connect you with a provider in your area.

You can pick up an incredible called How to Nourish Your Daughter Through an Eating Disorder, especially if you’re already in treatment or recovery.